All In Perspective.

Monday's studio day was spent at the Dr.'s office, and at the blood clinic having my blood drawn.  I had some routine blood work done that almost killed me!  OK, yes I'm exaggerating.  I didn't almost die, but I DID almost pass out.  I've never passed out in my life, but I got so worked up about having my blood taken that I started shaking and feeling dizzy... couldn't feel my limbs except that they were cold, and my abdomen was on fire. I started dripping with sweat.  When my vision started closing in and blurring, the nurse made the decision to take the needle out to let the life back into me.

After a 20 minute breather, the color had mostly returned to my face and she was able to stick me again to finish the job.  This time she moved me to a chair that reclined so I was able to lay down.    I was calm throughout the session, and didn't want to make a big deal of anything, but I still felt so silly that my fear of needles is a little unreasonable.

I was able to give her the 9 vials she needed to complete the tests requested.  But after that, I went straight to bed.  What would I ever do if I had to give blood all of the time?  I guess I'd get used to it, but boy I don't think that would be easy.  I started thinking about all of those individuals who need to give blood on a regular basis, or those who need dialysis.  God, how can I be so afraid?  I felt pretty ashamed.

I left the clinic that day not thinking much of my test results.  I went on with my week at work.

Yesterday happened to be another studio day.  I started out my day with a phone call from the Dr.'s office.  My tests came back, and my vitamin B12 levels were abnormally low.  I thought "no big deal, I'll take a supplement".  But the nurse went on to explain that I can't take a pill to get my levels up because I lack the ability to absorb B12 during digestion.  I listened on to hear her say that I will need to have my doses regularly injected for life.  daily at first, weekly and then Monthly.  I would have to learn to give myself shots, or have my husband learn how to inject me.

I was in a little bit of shock.  I've always been pretty healthy, and to say that there is a part of my body not functioning was very scary.  I'm not opposed to medication, in fact, I do take regular prescriptions daily.  But the thought of having to inject medication into my arm was very unnerving. 

That afternoon, Mike and I went to visit with the nurse so she could show us how to start the medication right away.  I'm so lucky to have Mike.  He was a huge comfort, and the fact that he was calm along with the nurse made me think that "hey, this isn't a big deal".  My body isn't able to do something... but we can work with it.

I am tired frequently, I'm being treated for depression, and my memory has been so bad lately.  I blamed my tiredness and my lack of memory on the medications that I have been taking for my depression.  I started to feel so much better that these traits that I have (including bouts of depression), are not traits at all.  They are symptoms.  All symptoms that are being caused, or made worse by my lack of B12. 

Instead of feeling scared and in shock, I started feeling good!  Good that I am able to do something about how I feel.  My treatments, however scary they initially seemed, I realize are no big deal.  I got through the first injection just fine!  Mike did  a great job.  I didn't even feel it!  Now all I have to do is be thankful.  I realize how lucky I am to be able to maintain good health.